


Five People that Destroyed Jaime Lannister(and one who put him back together)

by War_of_Stars



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-17
Updated: 2019-02-17
Packaged: 2019-10-29 07:20:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,058
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17803541
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/War_of_Stars/pseuds/War_of_Stars
Summary: A look at the enigma that is Jaime Lannister, through the relationships that mattered the most to him at various times in his life.





	Five People that Destroyed Jaime Lannister(and one who put him back together)

"Please mother! Just one more!" Jaime begged, folding his hands on top of his mother's knees, with Cersei nodding vigorously behind him.

"I'm afraid not, sweetling. Come on, time for bed," Joanna said gently, lifting the twins up in the air and walking to their bedroom as they begged her for one last story.

"I want to hear about Ser Duncan again," Jaime told her, once she had finished tucking him in bed. In the bed next to his, Cersei protested, claiming that the story of the love between Prince Duncan and Jenny of Oldstones was a far more interesting tale. It was the only thing he and his sister ever disagreed on; she wanted to hear about the fair maidens from the songs, but he always preferred the knights that went into battle, defending their homes, their families, and their very lives.

His mother laughed in that lovely way of hers, brushing his blonde hair out of his eyes.

"I'll tell you tomorrow, alright? It's time to sleep, my brave one. You must save your strength if you are to become a knight one day."

Jaime puffed out his chest. "I'll be the greatest knight that ever lived, mama!"

"I know you will, Jaime."

That was what the littlest Lannister liked most about his mother(Cersei was older, only by a few seconds but she never let him forget it). He loved his father, of course, but Tywin was always insisting that Jaime be something he was clearly not.

"You will be lord of Casterly Rock one day, Jaime. You must know these things," Tywin had said one day after one of their dreadful reading lessons.

_I do not want to be a lord. I want to be a knight._

He told mother this in the evening, because again, Joanna was not Tywin, and she understood Jaime in a way that no one, not even Cersei, really did. It is Joanna who whispered songs of knights and grand tourneys in his ear. It is she who encouraged his ambitions to fight with a sword, for his mother shared many of Jaime's dreams for himself.

"You can be a knight and a lord if you truly wish it, dear."

"But what if I want to be a kingsguard like Ser Duncan?"

At this, Joanna's expression became closed off. "No, Jaime. You will be a magnificent knight, but as your father's heir, you cannot become a kingsguard."

Jaime was shocked. "But-"

"No complaints, my dear lion. You must do your duty to your house as a firstborn son."

They say his father was ruled by his lady wife at home, and for the first time, Jaime understood why. His mother, for all her sweetness, could be as stern and strict as Tywin when she wanted to be, and twice as clever.

He grew up, learning to attend his lessons diligently without protesting too much. He still dreamt of the white cloak, though, for Jaime Lannister was born with a sword in his hand. 

He was born to _fight._

Jaime practiced longer and harder than anyone he knows, perfecting his sword work, only taking breaks to play with Cersei and climb into the lion pits.

Those early years were some of the happiest in his lifetime.

Then, Joanna fell pregnant.

***************

The entire household was buzzing with excitement. Jaime merely stared at the bump, fascinated.

"It's inside you?"

"Yes, sweetling."

"When will it come out?"

"It will take some time, Jaime."

Cersei shrugged, indifferent to the entire thing, but Jaime frowned. He didn't want to _wait._

Later, Joanna told him that if the baby is a boy, she would reconsider his kingsguard aspirations. Jaime jumped up and down in glee as his mother laughed, praying that this babe would be a son.

It is a son... a dwarf son, but Jaime did not love him any less. He stared at his baby brother in awe, his tiny fingers wiggling in the air, but his expression changed when Joanna grabbed his hand with hers, slick with sweat.

His mother was pale... paler than he’d ever seen her, as the midwives whispered worriedly amongst themselves, carrying cloths soaked in blood. He met Cersei’s gaze, and she looked back at him with a frightened expression, which immediately terrified him.

Cersei wasn’t scared of anything.

But she was scared of this... whatever this was, whatever was going on... he didn’t understand. He couldn’t understand, even as Cersei kissed their mother’s forehead before running out of the room and yelling for their father.

He didn’t understand, even as mother stroked his hand gently and placed Tyrion in his arms, promising that everything would be fine.

“N-no, what’s- mother, I can’t-” he babbled, the situation sinking in, the dread creeping into his stomach, even as Joanna lightly brushed the hair off his forehead and gave him a faint smile.

“Shh, sweetling, you must promise me something. Your father, your sister, I love them, but they do not— they will not accept him. But you, my brave, beautiful son, you must— you must protect your brother. You _must._ “

She grasped his hand now, taking it in her own.

“Promise me, Jaime.”

“I-I promise.” 

He forced the words out somehow, as his mother sagged against her pillow in relief, and closed her eyes.

She was dead by dawn.

***************

Jaime held little Tyrion in his arms during the funeral, as neither Cersei nor Tywin had even bothered to look at him. 

“I’ll protect you,” he whispered, and Tyrion merely gurgled in response, tilting his too-large head and grabbing Jaime’s thumb with his too-small fingers.

He’d protect Tyrion, and he’d become a kingsguard knight. All of Joanna’s dreams for him, all of _his_ dreams...

He’d be the greatest knight that ever lived, and he’d do it for his mother.

***************

Years later, his mother’s ghost whispered if he’d forgotten her, and cried when he reminded her that he’d become a kingsguard knight, just like they’d both dreamed. 

But to say that she was the only one that cried would be ignoring the wetness which trickled down his cheek, as he suddenly felt like a boy again, a boy who’d lost his mother and lost his way.

He had wanted to be a knight. The kind his mother spoke of when she read him her fairy tales.

And ultimately, it had destroyed him.


End file.
